One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
