i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
