DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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