She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
