never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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