Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
