I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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