mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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