I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
