you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
