I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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