Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
