My Higher Power is John Stamos
it was like eating out sand paper
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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