Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
