i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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