I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm like, not good at living.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
