At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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