I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
