i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
