Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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