so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
