I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
