I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we're making bets on your personal life
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
