weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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