Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You need a sexual gate keeper
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
