Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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