she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have fence marks all over my body
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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