Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
