her vagine was all disorganized.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
