im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
