R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
