I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
