I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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