Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
