so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
