I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
