So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize