new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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