i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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