kristin has been a bad kristin
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
They took my balls.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
