So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
