I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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