you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
