He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
