I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
