There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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