update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
