Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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