i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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