Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
pop tarts are not kleenex
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
