There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
