Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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